Karma!

Another flight and another set of experiences and again so different from the last and certainly heart warming.

We had just had our boarding passes checked to Coimbatore and I watched an older gentleman and a lady begin the descent down the ramp. The lady had a suitcase and a bag on one hand and another bag slung on the shoulder.

From her gait I could tell that it was not a comfortable descent so I offered to help her. No, in fact I asked  "can I help you with the bag"  she quickly said she would manage. Instinctively I knew that she would actually feel better if I helped so I said "it's ok please let me take them. It easy for me"

My instinct was right because without any protest she allowed me to take the luggage from her. And it WAS easy for me. I just had a backpack slung over my shoulder and another small bag.

I started walking slowly down the ramp behind them. Despite the fact that the lady was probably my age or maybe only slightly older, I felt protective as I saw her cautiously proceed. Something about the way she moved reminded of how Amma had distrusted these ramps.

It also occurred to me  that I wasn't being quite selfless. I was hoping the concept of good karma etc would hold good. Not many years from now, I'm likely to be in a similar situation, and I hoped a stronger possibly younger woman would step forward to help me too.  (ok wouldn't object to a nice man doing the same but that is a different conversation 😁)

I smiled at a completely random memory that popped up - amma always used the word karma in a not very positive sense .. "Kharrrmmmam" she would say when she wanted to exhibit disgust, dismay, disapproval... That word was quite versatile really.

My monkey brain was jerked back to the present as we were asked to stop and wait at the point before the aerobridge commenced.

The lady turned to me and said "the surface is so uneven" and I said in as reassuring a tone as possible "yes, even though we know our footwear won't slip, we still feel unsure,illai? "

She nodded her head and turned to move forward.

Throughout this exchange I noticed another lovely young girl watching this interaction between us. I was glad that she didn't get impatient with the slow progress the two people and I were making. I think she understood the importance of consideration and anyway, everyone knows that the plane is not going to take off without us, right?

Wrong - two young men obviously weren't convinced and they tried to dart forward, so they could get ahead of the gentleman and the lady. They misjudged the gap between the lady and me and had to shuffle to a stop to my left, just half a foot ahead of me.  "I could hear ammas voice in my head -" khharrrrrrmam! "
And I heard it exactly the way she would have said it - she would drag out the word "kharrrrrrrrmam"... With the audio like a sine curve 😁

I stepped into their personal space, ready to intimidate them with my trademark snake eye contact. But my body language alone sufficed. They meekly went back to their place in the queue behind me.

Honestly! What is it with some people? What is the need to display such inconsiderate impatience ? Of course the poor intimidated young men must have thought the same of me 😁but shhhh!

While I was congratulating myself on this little victory, my backpack slipped off my shoulder. Without thinking, I angled my elbow so I could hold it in place and I continued walking. It was uncomfortable but manageable. And that's when history repeated itself. Well, the immediate history I mean

The lovely young lady who had been watching my exchange earlier, stepped to my side and said something about my backpack. I thought she was offering to carry it for me and I quickly said "thank you it's ok" . She then repeated and this time I heard what she was saying"let me help you move the backpack on to your shoulder " or something along those lines. And without waiting, just like I had done earlier for the other lady, she reached out and helped lift the back pack off my elbow and settled it back on my shoulder.

I smiled at her and said thank you and my heart smiled too. I felt all warm and fluffy inside as I savoured this incident and the run up to it. There ARE considerate people out there too.

In fact MANY more than I thought. For when I got off the plane, the indigo staff had already stepped forward to help the lady with her luggage, while on the bus another passenger waited patiently for her to board and two other people offered their seats to the them.
The fluffy happy feeling blossomed even more inside me.

I didn't have to wait too long did I? The positivity chain is well and alive as is  instant karma .

Or in the case of the impatient young men instant kharrrrrrrrmam! 

Tough lessons Gentle Reminders

 It has been 8 months since my last blog post and this one is about travel again. But it is in a very different tone from the last.

Those that follow me on Social media would have seen my post about the Lufthansa shenanigans due to a system error.

Long story short, they refused to let me board despite me having a valid travel authorisation for Canada, claimed the Canadian government site to check validity was down, and refused to accept they were wrong because I was able to check validity online and show them that the site was up. Top it up with absolute apathy from some of the desk staff, it was not a pleasant experience at all. 

The result was an almost 8 hour layover in Frankfurt, with a flight to Toronto instead of Montreal and a connecting flight to Montreal that landed at half past twelve in the night ! The same travel documents that were not acceptable suddenly became acceptable by magic! And it doesn't end there.

I got on board the flight to Toronto and was about to slip into an exhausted sleep when a loud scream pierced the cabin! There was a woman screaming "get offa me..Get OFFA me" repeatedly and I jumped up and sat with my heart pounding. Were we being hijacked? Were we under attack? My sleep deprived brain struggled to comprehend the situation as she continued screaming. I then heard one of the cabin crew yelling "calm down . Calm DOWN!" and then "if you do not get up , I am going to restrain your legs. YOUR CHOICE" 

What I could eventually piece together was that it was a passenger and she had needed to be restrained for some reason. I spent the remaining part of the flight nervously bracing myself for her to break her restraints and come charging. We landed in Toronto and had to wait for her to be taken away by the authorities before we could deplane and I wondered if that meant I was going to miss the connection to Montreal. 

Of course all of us were rubber necking! Trying to see who it was that had caused such a commotion. I was miffed when the man behind me stood up to get a better look at what was happening and completely blocked my view! But even I draw the line at blatantly gawking at someone's misery and so I decided to grab the remnants of my dignity and pulled myself together to focus on making  the connecting flight. Which I did. 

A last minute gate change later, a delay, an aero bridge refusing to connect to the plane, here I am in Montreal Airport in the dead of the night. 

Since I was taking the train to Ottawa which I missed because of Lufthansa, I am now typing this as I wait out the 6  hours for my train.

Around me are weary travelers - and I seem to be the only one active and alert. Maybe because of the packet of chips and bar of dark chocolate that I have devoured :) Or maybe because I had been trained over the past 24 hours to expect something or the other to go wrong. So, I kept moving and stretching and doing light mobility moves.

At one point, I was sitting on a bench leaning back and doing some core exercises. And before you ask me, No I don't care what people think of a woman doing ab workouts at 2 am in the morning in a deserted airport. 

A border control agent walking past me, stopped and exclaimed "Oh my! you are strong!" I grinned at her and said "Just trying to keep myself awake" She raised her eyebrows and said "I want to stay awake I have coffee. But you are really strong" she gave me a thumbs up sign as she walked away and I felt a warmth seep into me. A compliment from a random stranger again brought back the same message I had been receiving repeatedly throughout this jinxed journey.

I thought of the staff from Air Canada in Frankfurt - one who took me to the Lufthansa desk to help and the other at the Air Canada lounge.

Jessica said "I appreciate how calm you were through out the process". She had said that just as I was about to burst into tears out of sheer frustration at the way Lufthansa staff were treating me. One minute  later and  I would have been bawling my eyes out and  that compliment probably would not have come my way. :) 

When again 5 hours of waiting later,  the Lufthansa system acted funny and the lady at the Air Canada lounge started making calls to help me out. It got sorted and I was about to burst into tears out of relief again, she reached out to hold both my hands and said "look at me , you are healthy and you are fine. You have your ticket, yes there is a delay but you are fine" In  a flash, my attack of the sniffles vanished. And almost immediately I was smiling and joking again with her. 

And now this customs agent reminding me that I was strong.

I love these incidents for one thing. We may say many things, share our approach and philosophy and they might be very good ones that have worked for us in the past. But every now and then we tend to forget our our own lessons. In these three incidents was the gentle reminder of my own note to self...remember I say "when things are going wrong, don't forget that other things are going right"

You need to have the reserve to bounce back - which I do. But I can always do with some help at the right moment.

I think it was these three women who shored up my strength. Who reminded me of my own Note to Self. 

Sometimes it is good to be reminded about what you already know.

Of grateful journeys

 

Do you remember the first time you boarded a flight? Do you even think about it?

I don't.. I just look at boarding a plane as a regular activity and choosing a  window seat as something that is par for course

This morning I got into the flight and saw a young boy of about 2o sitting in the middle seat. I indicated I needed to get past him to my window seat and he got up saying "thank goodness" . I didnt know why he said that but after I sat down I overheard him on his phone saying "no da I was all excited when I got on the plane but now I see you and I think of you and my heart feels sad and heavy"

I felt a lump in my throat as I picked up on his emotion and then I chastised myself for being overly sensitive and reminded myself that the pain of separation is the price we pay for the excitement of new beginnings.

He finished his call after promising to find a job for his friend as well and I had to once again rein in my emotions. What happened to this pure, simple way of life? Where we took those we loved along with us and retained our connections despite the excitement of new beginnings?

I was brought back to the present by his soft voice "akka that plane is so small but it flies no?" and I said "yes its cos its so far away that it seems small. Ours also will seem like that once we take off "
He said" this is my first time. Will you take pictures for me? "

I'm usually hesitant to handle other people's things but I couldn't resist this boy's note of entreaty. And he sounded so in awe of something that I had stopped marveling about. His note of wonder laced with nervousness was endearing and I felt something shift inside me.

I wished he had asked me before the plane started taxiing, I would have given him my window seat so he could have experienced the full glory of a take off. As I took his phone from him I told him "once we are up in the air, we can exchange seats and you can watch from the window"

He didn't seem too excited by the prospect  as he slowly said "ok akka.. Will it go very high?"
I said "yes, over the clouds. It will be beautiful"

And I could feel myself getting infected with his sense of awe. What a magical thing this is.. To sit inside a big steel bird that flies!!

I started taking pictures and videos on his phone. Focusing on the things that a first timer would find unusual. And as I did that I started looking at everything differently

How busy the trucks and vehicles seemed as they bustled about near an aircraft.. The view over the wing as our plane crossed another - the fire station with fire engines at the ready - the queue on the runway as each plane waited its turn to take off

I captured it all and as our plane took off and we rose about the city, I heard him exclaim " all the houses look so tiny" I turned the phone towards him and waved at him, he instinctively smiled and waved back. I now had captured his first wave from a plane.

I gave him back the phone and asked him if he had an editing app to put all of this together. He said " I have a friend akka he will edit it for me"

I said OK and then about ten minutes before landing I asked him if he wanted to change seats. By this time he was less nervous and he said yes.

We swapped seats and I sat in the middle seat and watched him.

He stayed glued to the window torn between capturing the amazing sight before him on his phone versus capturing it in his mind. And as I watched the entire landing through his phone screen while he recorded it, I couldn't help thinking this was the best view I've ever had.

He turned to me and smiled and said " appada!! we are back on the ground"

I smiled back at him and said yes we are.

I was delighted that the videos that he has of his very first take off will be the ones I shot for him. I know I will never be as excited on my next flight as he was on his very first one. I know that I will not find another passenger as delightful as this young boy with his heart full of dreams of hope despite the pain of separation.. But I do know this.. I am grateful to him for reminding me to marvel at the things we take for granted

A Double Edged Sword

I was running errands for my sister, and I had a list of things I needed to get her. One of the things on my list  - 3 dozen aluminium hangers. I was quite confident of finding them easily enough.

It was only after I started hunting for them that I realised that they were not easy to find at all.

I was told that it would be available at Rathna Stores, in T Nagar, Chennai and so I booked a Dunzo pick up. The delivery person Inbaraj who picked the order went to the store only to find that it was not available.

I felt guilty about wasting his time, apologized and cancelled the order. I didn’t identify myself because I feel my identity is a double-edged sword at times. Some people are compelled to hide their displeasure once they know my identity and I don’t think it is fair to them or to how they are feeling. Despite that, Inbaraj was courteous and said “no problem ma’am” 

Not a hint of displeasure in his voice and I thought that was incredibly professional of him.

After randomly calling about 20 stores, I finally got through New Saravana Stores in Panagal park. The girl who picked up the phone assured me that they had aluminium hangars. I asked her twice and twice she confirmed that it was available. So, I booked Dunzo again and as luck would have it, who was my delivery executive? Inbaraj again!!

This time I called him directly and told him that I had spoken to the store, and they had said it was available. He replied” Ok ma’am I’ll go see” I heard a hint of skepticism in his tone, and I thought “oh no, I hope I don’t have to cancel again.”

Few minutes later I get a call and it is Inbaraj. My heart sinks as I hear that he is there at Saravana Stores and that they are saying they do not have metal hangers. I ask him to wait a minute and call back the girl I had spoken to.

By this time, she recognizes me from my previous calls (she doesn’t know who I am) and her voice takes on an irritated note. I rein in my own irritation and tell her that the Dunzo guy is there, and that he is being told that there is no metal hanger. She replied in a couldn’t care less tone “It is here.” I said no, the guy is at your store, and he is being told that there is none. Can you call him and tell him where to go?”

Her next response “You can come here and see for yourself if you like, I cannot call him”

I gritted my teeth and said, “Ok can you give me your supervisor’s number?”

She rattled it off in a tone that made it clear that she either knew there was no consequence for poor customer service and bad attitude, or she simply couldn’t be bothered if there were.

I asked her to repeat the last digit as the signal was poor and she upped her irritated tone and snapped the numbers out at me. That sent the control on my irritation for a six.

In my usual low snarl, I said “There is really no need to take that kind of an attitude. As a customer I have a reasonable request. If this is not something you can help with, you can tell me that politely”

I then called Inbaraj, put him on conference with the supervisor and told the supervisor about my hunt for aluminium hangars.

To his credit, even though I was just another customer, he quickly located the right person and came back with the answer “No we do not have aluminium hangers” I apologized to Inbaraj (again) and after he got off the phone, I gave the manager the whole background and added “Look I have actually done TV commercials for your store. Now after this experience, I feel I should not even shop there! This is not the right attitude for customer service”

He realised who I was and again to his credit, his demeanour didn’t change. He said “I am sorry Ma’am – This shouldn’t have happened” I loved it that he added “A customer is a customer. And to me everyone is important and even if it were not you, I would say this”

My sense of humour made a slow reappearance and I said “yes. And there really is nothing I can do. Inbaraj will be cursing me, and I will simply pass it on to you”

We both went “heh heh” in a shared moment of humourous discomfort.

I started to tell him to give Inbaraj any item at all, so that it would not be a wasted trip for him, but the line got cut. For a second, I wondered if it was deliberate, and then I decided to let it go. The signal was poor, and considering the manager’s behaviour up to that point, it was unlikely he would do something like that.

But I felt really bad that I had done this to Inbaraj twice. Both times he was not paid for his effort. Considering Dunzo delivery executives operate on such thin margins, it was quite commendable he had not lost his cool or expressed his frustration.

And then I had a brainwave. Gpay Zindabad!!

I sent him some money on Gpay along with an apology. I immediately felt better. He responded with a thanks and to me that closed the matter.

I am so glad that it was not just the girl that I interacted with but with Inbaraj and the manager as well.

It is the Inbarajs and the managers of the world that reassure you that dignity and professional customer service exist.

But I was glad for yet another reason.

If it had been just the girl I had interacted with, then my guilt would have been not just about Inbaraj’s lost commission but also about the TV commercial I had been paid to do all those years ago, endorsing Saravana Stores 😊

I heaved a sigh of relief - Doubled edged sword this!

Why not?

 Why not ?

This has always been my response when I was asked why. Not in a tone of defiance but in a tone of curiosity at times and a flippant amusement at others.

I am writing this from my room in My Fortune, Chennai - an ITC hotel . What am I doing staying the weekend in a hotel that is literally 5 minutes from where I live? Ah that is the story  I am setting out to write ! :)

Last February, Kripa and I made a Kashmir trip and stayed at the Pine and Peak in Pahalgaum. It was our first holiday after graduation - so we are talking first holiday in 30 years. We chose the property because a) it was an ITC property and b) it had great reviews. But unfortunately, while everything else went brilliantly well, our stay did not owing to some major renovation being done and a few other things. we were quite upset but we were determined to not let it ruin our trip, so we focused on what was going well. 

But my middle-class heart would not let it go. I came back home and wrote a long email to the hotel and explained the background and our disappointment. And this is where a brand like ITC stands apart. They go the extra mile to make it up to the customer. They very kindly offered me a two-day voucher in any of their equivalent hotels. Now most people would be embarrassed and say let it go...why do you want it? my response was why not?

I held on to the voucher and told Kripa to plan a trip to madras so we could use it. But with the Covid second wave, and work being what it has been after that, that never happened. So, I decided to use the voucher myself.  

I checked in yesterday grinning gleefully. Most of the staff here know me. They also know I live hardly five minutes away.  I am sure seeing me checking in on my own was a bit of a puzzle. After all it made sense for someone to check into a hotel if it was to execute a clandestine rendezvous :) but this was clearly just me....and I am sure they were wondering why I was doing it. My response , why not?

I was delighted when I walked into the room. This is simply fabulous. There is an old-world charm to this hotel and of course this is also the hotel I have been coming to since I was 8 years old. There is something familiar and comforting about the vibe because of those memories.

I remember learning to swim in the pool. I smile at that memory because that was also when my uncle had broken his leg. And he was doing his physiotherapy in the water. He asked me “nondi kaal oda race ku varaiya” I still remember how my little heart did a little jig at the prospect of beating my uncle at something. Obviously, I agreed. Obviously, I lost. And that’s the best part of our family. There is no concession made for ability or lack thereof. There was no outrage expressed that a 24 year old uncle competed with an eight year old girl and beat her. Resilience was expected of us and that was that. As I stood looking at the same pool, I smiled at how that resilience has continued to stand me in good stead.

I did the Facebook live from my room and I am going to be doing the Instagram live also from here. Maybe I will do it from the same pool that has so many memories for me 😊

I woke up this morning at my usual time and realised that I would have to wait until 7 am for my coffee. So I thought to myself, "why not go get coffee next door."

I picked up my key and walked to Hotel Maris

Ah now there is another place which is a treasure trove of memories. All the staff there know me too because that is where Appa used to stay every time he came from Trichy. We are talking about someone staying in the same hotel from 1970’s until 2012. They have now redone the hotel, but the restaurant still has the same vibe.

Someone walked up to serve me and despite his mask I could see he was delighted to see me. It was Balaiah, the waiter who had joined the hotel as a boy. He said “It has been so long since we saw you. Ever since Appa …” and he paused.

I felt a little lump in my throat as I was reminded of the loss I live with but I could see how fond he had been of Appa and that was soothing. Another waiter came joined us and we spoke for a bit about how Appa used to walk and how he used to talk to them. As I drank my coffee, I smiled at  the unexpected trip down memory lane that reminded me that Appa had been loved by so many different people.

I strolled out after coffee and decided to walk home to drop in on Periamma and Periappa. Gleefully told them I was staying in Chola. They know me well enough by now to not be puzzled or surprised at the things I do. 😊 in fact, they cheer me on. Periamma said “Why not!” and I grinned back  at her thinking , “hah ..what spirit for an 86 year old” When I told them I had had coffee in Hotel Maris, Periappa had this amused look and said “your dad and I have spent many an evening there.” We all laughed and I said “Yes, yes, I have heard those stories too!” Appa had told me about how in their 30’s he and Periappa used to hang out at the bar there. And now as I look at my 91 year old periappa, I feel a rush of affection for shared memories.

My sister walked in, looking resplendent in a golden yellow and green silk sari and I went “ooh you look gorgeous. Suthippodu” and she went “Pffft!!” at me 😊 She was off for a wedding in Pondichery and she went into the kitchen to get some fruits to take with her for the journey.

I traipsed behind her and asked her if I could be picked up from the hotel on Monday since I had a suitcase  but didn’t have a car. Again, no surprise no shock no curiosity even. She said “ok, I’ll ask the driver to come.” (Although I must confess, even though I knew she wasn't thinking that, I felt obliged to explain what I was doing so she didn't worry that I was doing a secret romantic rendezvous 😊)

I came back to the hotel for breakfast. Had a fabulous one . Ranjith, (the F&B manager I think) came in to greet me and I chimed “I am staying here” He had this patient look as he said “yes I know” 

I picked up my food from the buffet and one of the staff, came and said “I hope you are enjoying your stay ma’am” and I said “yes thank you” and I couldn’t help adding “You do know I live five minutes away” hoping for a “oh really?” but instead what I got was “yes ma’am I know”

As I write this, I am still bursting with glee.

I realise that for some reason the fact that I have checked into a hotel that is five minutes away from home, simply so I could use the voucher before it expired, is something that is a tremendous source of amusement to me. And most people must be wondering why I am making such a big deal about it.

And most people would know my response to it

Why not?

And if you want a visual recap of what I have written , here is a one minute video :) I haven't done a voice over for this because I think what I have written above will serve as a voice over in your mind 

#KeepYourLifeSunnySideUp

Tantrums on the plane

I am writing  this on a flight to Hyderabad.

Thank goodness this is a short flight cos I have a terribly badly behaved child in the seat behind me.

I would have been quite happy to put up with a cranky child under five. It's difficult to soothe them when they are in a strange environment and I get it.

What I don't get is why parents would allow a child of about 6 or 7 to behave the way he was behaving.

It started with him yelling in a nagging voice about something. The mother firmly asked him why he was yelling and could he not speak normally. He quietened immediately. I was relieved - although I later realised it was too premature to have assumed that the flight was going to be a peaceful one

As the flight started he started saying "Aaaaaaaaa" in a loud voice allowing his voice to warble with every bump on the runway.  As the flight took off, so did his voice.. He hit a shrill high note which stopped abruptly. I wondered if something had happened to him when he reassured me of his existence by rhythmically kicking the back of my seat while he demanded for something to eat.

The mother dropped his tray table down and started unpacking some food. He started slamming the tray table up and down. I turned and said "ma'am could you please ask him not to slam the tray table so hard?"

The mum was completely unapologetic and said "OK" and told him something in Telugu. I understood enough of the language to understand that he was asking what I would do if he didn't stop

I hoped his mum would tell him something sufficiently horrifying. But before she could answer him, another baby wailed loudly from the front of the plane. This boy decided he would mimic the baby and started yelling "aaaaaah" for every "woahhhhh" the baby made. Baby goes "woaahhh" boy goes "aaaah - baby goes "woahhh" boy goes "aaaah"

I stifled my laughter for I did feel more exasperation than amusement. But the gentleman in the seat across wasn't amused in the slightest. He turned and glared at the boy and even through the man's shield and mask the boy could make out the unspoken threat I guess. He piped down. But not for long. He started slamming the tray table again and snorting and making spitting noises. I wondered if he had a developmental issue but it didn't appear so as he was quite clear in the way he communicated with his mum when he wanted water or wanted food. 
So I assumed it was just an astonishing display of bad behaviour which his mum ignored. In between, the bad behaviour would escalate into a tantrum and the mum continued to ignore it. I wonder if this was her coping strategy? I have always held that ignoring bad behaviour - be it in adults or in children, never got us good results. But for this mum hope was a strategy I guess!!

I felt something poke my hand and I turned to find the brat grinning at me through the gap in the seat. I'm usually a sucker for kids and would have smiled back but I had had enough of this kid's bad behaviour so I smiled briefly (which he couldn't make out cos of my mask) and turned back.

The man across turned again and glared long and hard at the boy. The boy immediately turned to look out the window and started singing rhymes and thumping the window, an occasional kick delivered to the back of my seat to punctuate an important part of the line in the rhyme

When he stuck his leg through the gap in the armrest and kicked me, I grabbed his leg by the shoe and firmly lifted his leg and put it back. I could hear him complaining to his mum and I really hoped she wasn't going to say something to me cos I was fast losing patience.

The lights came on and he gave a big yell making me nearly jump out of my skin. I realised he was cheering that the flight was landing and I silently cheered as well. 

Honestly, there was no way I would have, as a six year old gotten away with such behaviour. Forget everything else, if I'd kicked some stranger with my shoe, my parents would have made me apologise and of course I'd have gotten a whack for sure.

But we live in different times. And discipline isn't exerted in the same way. Children are different. Parents are busy.

All I can say is I don't understand how such behaviour is acceptable and I can only thank my stars that this was a short flight !!

Relationships are like furniture

 

As we go through life , we come across so many things that change our world - change US. And as we continue to change and cope with what life throws us, we sometimes forget that our relationships change too. And that we need to position them in our life accordingly

I was a believer of happy ever after until life taught me otherwise. Now I know that there is heartbreak, betrayal and hurt...but i also know that I am happy now. Who knows about the future. 

I look around my living room and I see the furniture. Some are there for a purpose, some because they are incredibly comfortable, some because they have sentimental value. But there is an order that reflects what works best, In order to understand what is the most comfortable arrangement, we need to look at what we need, right?

And I wonder if the same analogy can be applied to our relationships. That comfortable chair which we have been keeping in the corner for so many years but have not sat on , that broken moda that ruined my back, that cushion that is there looking pretty but is of no use to either me or my guests...all these seem to find parallels in the relationships in my life.

A childhood friend of mine ghosted me ten years ago. At that time I felt a whole range of emotions - from anger hurt and bewilderment. And for ten years I knew that if I ever met him, I would not wish to rekindle the relationship. But I was always curious as to how I would feel if ever I saw him. As luck would have it he turned up at a common friend's event and I distinctly recall the moment I registered his presence. The first thought was "ah so the time has come. "

He came up to me and called me by the name that only my family use and asked me how I was. And that is when I knew that I felt nothing for him. Not even anger or hurt.

I smiled politely at him and exchanged pleasantries and moved on. I made it clear that he no longer would receive the warmth that is the signature element in all my interactions. 

And I felt no guilt. Relationships have to be sustained, invested and nurtured.  If sweeping things under the carpet is the preferred modus operandi, I wanted none of it. After all a lumpy carpet in the living room is hardly appealing.

The same applied for another friend who defended the ghosting person but criticised my partner. I felt no anger just a disappointment that they no longer knew who I was and what made me happy.

To realise that that very old friendship is actually not what I thought it was is painful and disappointing but when you realise that I had clung on to an image of the friendship but had not connected as much or invested in it, then it is only natural that it is no longer in alignment with the person I am. The best part though, is knowing that, doesn't mean I do not love them any more. It is just that I understand that it was comfortable, it was great and loving - it was all that I needed for the person that I was. And I have to respect that. 

But the person I am now doesn't quite belong there.

Many of us would feel guilty .But it is important to accept that friendships are not always forever. Things change and it is ok. You may not want to spend as much time with someone very close. That is ok too. You might want some distance . That is also ok.

As long as there is no hate, malice, hurt or anger associated with these actions , it is absolutely ok. I am not saying that it is not ok to feel the emotions I mention. I am saying if we do feel it we need to examine why we feel that and address it. For if we do not address those emotions, they will chip away at our happiness and peace of mind. 

So I move through life. Rearranging the relationships in my life...much like the furniture in my living room. Some get pride of place, some get relegated to another room, Some get polished and lovingly maintained and some get discarded  and some stay  in the living room but get moved out of the way so we can move freely. And it is all ok.

Life's living room is a changing landscape that has to be one that is comfortable while reflecting who we are. 

Keep Your Life Sunny Side Up