As we go through life , we come across so many things that change our world - change US. And as we continue to change and cope with what life throws us, we sometimes forget that our relationships change too. And that we need to position them in our life accordingly
I was a believer of happy ever after until life taught me otherwise. Now I know that there is heartbreak, betrayal and hurt...but i also know that I am happy now. Who knows about the future.
I look around my living room and I see the furniture. Some are there for a purpose, some because they are incredibly comfortable, some because they have sentimental value. But there is an order that reflects what works best, In order to understand what is the most comfortable arrangement, we need to look at what we need, right?
And I wonder if the same analogy can be applied to our relationships. That comfortable chair which we have been keeping in the corner for so many years but have not sat on , that broken moda that ruined my back, that cushion that is there looking pretty but is of no use to either me or my guests...all these seem to find parallels in the relationships in my life.
A childhood friend of mine ghosted me ten years ago. At that time I felt a whole range of emotions - from anger hurt and bewilderment. And for ten years I knew that if I ever met him, I would not wish to rekindle the relationship. But I was always curious as to how I would feel if ever I saw him. As luck would have it he turned up at a common friend's event and I distinctly recall the moment I registered his presence. The first thought was "ah so the time has come. "
He came up to me and called me by the name that only my family use and asked me how I was. And that is when I knew that I felt nothing for him. Not even anger or hurt.
I smiled politely at him and exchanged pleasantries and moved on. I made it clear that he no longer would receive the warmth that is the signature element in all my interactions.
And I felt no guilt. Relationships have to be sustained, invested and nurtured. If sweeping things under the carpet is the preferred modus operandi, I wanted none of it. After all a lumpy carpet in the living room is hardly appealing.
The same applied for another friend who defended the ghosting person but criticised my partner. I felt no anger just a disappointment that they no longer knew who I was and what made me happy.
To realise that that very old friendship is actually not what I thought it was is painful and disappointing but when you realise that I had clung on to an image of the friendship but had not connected as much or invested in it, then it is only natural that it is no longer in alignment with the person I am. The best part though, is knowing that, doesn't mean I do not love them any more. It is just that I understand that it was comfortable, it was great and loving - it was all that I needed for the person that I was. And I have to respect that.
But the person I am now doesn't quite belong there.
Many of us would feel guilty .But it is important to accept that friendships are not always forever. Things change and it is ok. You may not want to spend as much time with someone very close. That is ok too. You might want some distance . That is also ok.
As long as there is no hate, malice, hurt or anger associated with these actions , it is absolutely ok. I am not saying that it is not ok to feel the emotions I mention. I am saying if we do feel it we need to examine why we feel that and address it. For if we do not address those emotions, they will chip away at our happiness and peace of mind.
So I move through life. Rearranging the relationships in my life...much like the furniture in my living room. Some get pride of place, some get relegated to another room, Some get polished and lovingly maintained and some get discarded and some stay in the living room but get moved out of the way so we can move freely. And it is all ok.
Life's living room is a changing landscape that has to be one that is comfortable while reflecting who we are.
Keep Your Life Sunny Side Up