Commitment to Happiness

A comment on my workout post said “It takes commitment to be happy”  (thank you Mani Subramanian)and it stopped me right on my tracks. There was something really compelling about that statement.

Granted it is something many may have heard before. But I hadn’t and it delved deep into me and prodded me to ..well just stop and absorb it.

And the next comment spurred me on even more (thank you Nirmala Isaac) which was about how we have to make a commitment to being happy. And immediately I wondered…is the commitment to happiness? Or will having a commitment to many things that lead to happiness keep us happy.

I couldn’t wait to sit and think about it.

Yes, I know, I am a bit weird like that . I like to analyse these things and look into my own behavior to see what I do and how and why I do them.

When people say “you are always happy , although I self deprecatingly joke “I am a good actor” , that is only partly true. Gone are the days when I used to pretend to be happy. Now when I am happy it just ..well, it glows from me . and when I am unhappy ..i sulk. And then sit down and try and figure out what is causing that and I try and set it right.

But coming back to the statement. I wondered which applied to me. Am I committed to being happy or do I have a series of commitments that are the building blocks to my happiness. The more I thought about it the more felt convinced that the scale was tilted towards the latter.

I mean, I do want to be happy – who doesn’t? But I take it a step further by focusing on the things that keep me happy. So, what are the commitments I make?

1.      I commit to hunt for the bright side: This is not me deluding myself that everything is fine. What I find myself doing is this. When things go wrong, I acknowledge that it is going wrong. But somehow my brain always picks on one aspect that could have made it worse and say “well at least that didn’t happen”

The lightest example would be when my old Tata Sierra I was driving, had a breakdown in the middle of the road with smoke and fire coming out from under the bonnet (this was way back in 2006) and while I was scared and definitely embarrassed , the first thought after I got out of the car was “Thank goodness the engine didn’t explode and that a passer by had the presence of mind to dive in and switch off the ignition” (no, the panicked and scared driver didn’t think of it…she just stopped the car and jumped out. – yes face palm moment that!)

The darkest example of this would be something that happened much later. I feel the years of practice built me up to that point. This was in 2017 when appa passed away in my arms. Close on the heels of the intense grief and shock, even while I was reeling from it, a voice in my head said “this was the only kind of death acceptable to you. You could not have borne it if he had passed away in a flight, or alone in Madras or even on the drive from the airport” And as bizarre as that might sound, as the years went by, that turned to be the source of comfort about one of the worst moments in my life.

2.      I commit to take responsibility for my actions. I don’t blame anyone else to make failure easy for me. I take full responsibility. But I also accept that it is not a blame that I accept. It is responsibility. And if I can correct my course, I do. If it is too late, I feel bad, I feel sorry for myself and then I move on. Which neatly segues into my next commitment

3.      I commit to not wallow in self pity longer than absolutely necessary- yes I do like a bit of self pity now and then. But just like chocolate, it has to be in moderation. So, I allow it to wash over me and then once it’s done, I pick myself up and move on.

4.      I commit to working on a better version of myself : I can definitely say I am a better person now than I  was 20 years ago. And once again, it is not me fooling myself. I know exactly where I have changed and how. It has not been easy but it certainly has become a habit. To keep chipping away at the rough edges.

5.      I commit to taking care of myself with no guilt. This is something I learnt how to do only in my mid thirties but boy! Is it liberating! I learnt how to say “No I am taking a break” “I am taking a holiday” or even “I don’t want to look at that now. I am tired.” I focus on my health. I eat sensibly – well most of the time. And when I indulge – I do so unabashedly. I track my mental wellbeing and the moment feel unease I am on alert to check what it is that is bothering me and I address the issue as soon as I can.

6.      I commit to love and warmth in my interactions : I learnt long ago that being affectionate towards others in general makes ME happier than it does them. I haven’t really explored the why of this and I might do it one of these days but right now let’s just add it to my list. Of course, I don’t indiscriminately do this – I cannot feel affection to someone who is being a boor or a bully. But a normal interaction, I tend to usually have a greater degree of affection and warmth than the average person.

7.      I commit to admitting that my rule book changes. Now this is a crucial one. Cos when life changes you need to change along with it. An approach that worked for me in the 20’s no longer works now that I am approaching fifty. When I was younger, I would have stuck to the approach because I had externally committed that this is how I would deal with something.  But now I don’t take those kinds of pressures. I am more comfortable saying yes that approach was then. This is now. Now this feels right. I accept that there is no universal right or wrong in most things. It is just what is right for me.

So those are my thoughts that were triggered from those two comments. I thought it might be interesting to do some research and document it and create a sunny side up video but I enjoyed looking within and identifying what I do. So this turned into a blog post instead 😊

And as always, whatever I do on social media is done with the sole motive of sharing what I have learnt or discovered in the hope that it might help someone else.

So, if it helps you in any way 😊 I am glad. If it doesn’t, I am still glad cos I have documented what being committed to happiness means to me and somewhere down the line when I falter , which I am sure I will, I will have this to guide me back to my happy place.